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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Helpful Hints From Your Evil HR Lady

If you get paid twice a month (usually the 15th/30th of each month), you get 24 pay checks a year. If you get paid every other week (usually Fridays), you get 26 pay checks a year. Therefore, a paycheck for scenario 1 is not going to equal a paycheck under scenario 2.

Questions about this are not urgent. EVER. And questions about tax withholdings--well, those should go to payroll. The IRS has their rules, payroll has theirs and the Evil HR Lady does not want to get in the middle. Fighting the IRS and payroll is well, a classic blunder. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!


HR Newbie said...

Thank You!

Why is it no one outside of HR can understand the meaning of urgent?

Hire dates, next review dates, and updating your phone number are all things I can do later.
Like at a time I'm not doing 100 other more important things. For example trying to pay you.

- HR Newbie

Alex Andrei said...

It does make the brain pain slightly :)

Daniel said...

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Best. Quotable. Movie. Ever.

Evil HR Lady said...

It is the best quotable movie, isn't it? I should definitely watch it again.

Mollie said...

Awsome movie, my 4-year old demands a weekly Friday night screening.

I feel your pain too. I have multiple rolls in my office whereas head office has monotonous distinctive roles and the head office minions just don't understand that they can't always take presendence.

Katherine said...

We have two divisions of the company, not at the same exact location, but close enough to interact on a daily basis, and to share some of the same benefits.

However, there are 2 different payroll departments, and one group gets paid twice a month, and one group gets paid every other week. Everyone pays the same amount per month for benefits.

This is a headache when new rates come out, because they get broken out for both groups per paycheck.

The 2x month people are upset that the every other week people get to pay "less" for their benefits...

For some reason we can't do separate fliers that would go into each respective paycheck. And even when we put "You pay $100/month, which is $50/paycheck for you 2x month people and $46.15/paycheck for you every other week people", people don't get it.

I feel your pain.

Anonymous said...

You are definitely now my HR hero for including this scene from the PB...the best in the whole movie!

Evil HRISguy said...


That word does not mean what they think it means.

Anonymous said...

My favorite employee to payroll argument: "You held back two weeks of my pay when I started"

NO, darling. You have to work FIRST and then you get paid.

Steamboat Lion said...

Even the blurb on the book is quotable - "what happens when the prettiest girl in the land marries the handsomest prince and he turns out to be an SOB"

"Every other week" - in the British English speaking world we call that fornightly. Fortnight being a contraction of foutreen nights. So much more elegant and less confusing that every two weeks, or bi-weekly or every other week. I understand why you wanted to get rid of King George (although he seems to be back) but why Americans ditched this wonderful word is beyond me.

Dataceptionist said...

Yes how funny, I've never heard of bi-monthly pay periods as opposed to fortnightly which is how we operate. Strange!

And I love this
NO, darling. You have to work FIRST and then you get paid.
but we get ->forward paid at my company.