You're dying to help your loved one get a job. You'll do anything. Just stop it. They've got to manage the job on their own, so let them manage the job search.
Don't Let Your Mom Find You a Job
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Why am I evil? Well, I'm not, but that's the perception of all of us in HR. Need to fire someone? Come to HR. Need to explain to someone why, even after working their rear end off all year, that their annual increase is 2.7%? Come to HR. Need to come up with new mountains of paperwork? Come to HR. So, come join me on the Evil Side. Oh, and send me your HR questions.
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9 comments:
My mom didn't make me take this awful job. And I am the horrible person who gave the family my best friend's phone number after I sat for them once and decided never again.
Hee. My grandmother got a job for my aunt once, back in the '60s. But she didn't do it by demanding that the hiring manager give her daughter a job. No, instead, she went out, got the job herself, then a few days later told them that she found she couldn't do it and would they like to hire her daughter in her place? Sure they would. My aunt had no idea this was going on.
Grandma was a very determined woman. :P
I have gotten a call from a mom trying to find an entry level job for her college graduate son. She was following up on a resume "he" had submitted. After letting her know we did not have any openings, she asked me for advice on how to get a position in our industry. I told her networking would be a good idea, and then I gently suggested that he should be actively involved in his own job search. She was absolutely blown away by this tidbit. Like, "Oh! So you're saying, he should be calling?" Um, yes ma'am.
To this day, I'm still trying to figure out how this piece of information was NEWS to her.
If someone is not responsible enough to strike out on the job search on his own, how responsible and employee could he be?
And if the mother is pushy enough to handle the job search, how horrible would she be to deal with if, under some stretch of the imagination, he should be hired?
I actually interview 2 friends for the same position, one much more qualified than the other. After I had set up the interviews, the mother of one not only called to verify the dates and times, but sat in the lobby and waited while her adult child interviewed.
After hiring the more qualified candidate, I recieved an angry phone call from the mother of the other, demanding to know why I had hired the friend instead of her child! (I also heard later, she called the new employee to ask what she did differently.)
Thankfully "I'm not at liberty to discuss that" is a great phrase to know.
No wonder so many today are co-dependant. Their mommies wont let them grow up!
Class Factotum--I read your post and I'm still shuddering at the thought of all that. Those people owe you at least $3,000,000.
Interviewer--yes, what made her think this was a good idea?
Wahlee--I admit, I like your grandmother's style.
Anon--these women damage their children in so many ways. And then complain when their little darlings are 30 and still at home.
I work in my moms office..
You can also find some great business resources here that will add further support of the above issues. And yes, I totally agree that mom shouldn't be involved in that one!
Somehow, I think it depends on the approach. I got job interviews for my spouse & my sister when both were working full time in dead end jobs having zero to do w/what they wanted to do while the jobs they got interviews for were their dream positions. Neither of them had previous experience & both were frustrated.
With my sister, I decided to start calling child care centers one day when she was working for the worst employer in our hometown in the middle of a hot summer (a cake factory). I simply told people that my sister was great with children and really wanted to work with them but worked full time and couldn't call these people on her own. I gave them her information & one of these calls led to her getting an interview the same day (I handed the phone over to her after they expressed an interest & she handled it from there). She ended up working at that day care center for quite a while.
With my husband (fiance then), I was following up on resumes since he was also working full time & didn't have time to contact anyone. An HR person contacted me & then I mentioned his name, his desire to do the job & how his current job was not something he wanted to keep doing, etc. Then I gave my spouse the info & he followed up to get an interview that led to his current job.
Perhaps I handled things more like a recruiter but I NEVER nagged anyone, showed up to interviews or asked why someone I helped didn't get a job. I simply secured a human being for my people to speak to & mentioned things about them that they couldn't personally mention but might have proven their passion/dedication/desire for the job.
I think the reason parents shouldn't do this stuff is b/c most people can't successfully leave emotions out of it or get out of the way soon enough. Note that I used reason, not emotion (So & so needs a job to pay bills) & didn't directly set up interviews. If someone did that with me, I'd listen w/respect to someone who didn't have XYZ experience. Remember, we ALL started somewhere.
When I was in college I worked for the university career services center. I received phone calls from parents, more often than you might imagine, asking me about how they could get their child involved in the job search process. It was always difficult for me to remain polite and professional as I explained that it is the responsibility of the child (who as a college student isn't actually a child anymore) and not the responsibility of the parent. If I worked in an HR department and it was somehow indicated during the hiring process that this candidate was applying for the job because his or her mother said to, that would be an instant deal breaker for me.
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