Metrics

I have, shall we say, "eclectic" interests. But fortunately, all roads lead to HR, so it works out for you all.

I found this article from the The New Yorker titled, "How childbirth went industrial." How could I not read that? The most fascinating part was the creation and insitution of the APGAR score--used to evaluate new babies.

The score was published in 1953, and it transformed child delivery. It turned an intangible and impressionistic clinical concept—the condition of a newly born baby—into a number that people could collect and compare. Using it required observation and documentation of the true condition of every baby. Moreover, even if only because doctors are competitive, it drove them to want to produce better scores—and therefore better outcomes—for the newborns they delivered.

Around the world, virtually every child born in a hospital had an Apgar score recorded at one minute after birth and at five minutes after birth. It quickly became clear that a baby with a terrible Apgar score at one minute could often be resuscitated—with measures like oxygen and warming—to an excellent score at five minutes. Spinal and then epidural anesthesia were found to produce babies with better scores than general anesthesia. Neonatal intensive-care units sprang into existence. Prenatal ultrasound came into use to detect problems for deliveries in advance. Fetal heart monitors became standard. Over the years, hundreds of adjustments in care were made, resulting in what’s sometimes called “the obstetrics package.” And that package has produced dramatic results. In the United States today, a full-term baby dies in just one out of five hundred childbirths, and a mother dies in one in ten thousand. If the statistics of 1940 had persisted, fifteen thousand mothers would have died last year (instead of fewer than five hundred)—and a hundred and twenty thousand newborns (instead of one-sixth that number).

Isn't that amazing? The institution of a way to monitor and quantify information ended up leading to the saving of millions (over the years) of lives. Develop a metric that truly measures what you need and then follow its advice.

I read about another interesting metric involving Master's Degrees for Teachers. Turns out that there isn't much evidence that a teacher with an advanced degree is a better teacher than one without. Yet, most teachers receive a premium for obtaining one.

Hmmm, we had a metric (number of teachers with master's degree) to compare with another metric (student success rate) and we thought the first should cause the second, (more educated teacher=better teacher), but current evidence suggests that's not true.

I doubt anyone in the United States would deny that there are some problems in education. Granted, many children receive fine educations--I believe I was one of the lucky ones--but many do not. The APGAR score saves lives. Can't we develop a metric that will help us save children?

I realize with the "save the children" language, I'm starting to sound like (horrors!) a liberal, but what I'm really saying is let's gather evidence and act on it.

And whose job is it to figure such things out? Drum Roll Please...Human Resources! That's right. Teachers are employees. Employee success and failure should be monitored and evaluated by HR professionals with an understanding of measurement. Are the things we are focusing our money on really bringing about success? If yes, great. If no, change needs to be made.

Metrics in HR is a relatively new field. Prior to its implementation, many HR departments were very warm and fuzzy but very unhelpful to the business. We're still warm and fuzzy (at least when non HR people are around--when we're alone, we're rather cranky), but now we understand the need for numbers to back up what we do.

If your HR department hasn't developed good ways to measure success, they should. If they need help, they should contact Evil HR Lady, who would be happy to help them out. For a small fee. (Hey, I'm a free market capitalist--remember?)

It's Not Just in Politics

When running for office Tennessee Democrat Stephen I. Cohen pledged that he would join the Congressional Black Caucus if elected. Not an overly dramatic pledge--most politicians pledge something like single handedly bringing about world peace--but a pledge that should be fairly easy to keep. Except for one small problem--Representative Cohen is white.

He represents a district that is largely African American and thought his constituents concerns would be similar to his collegeagues' concerns in the Black Caucus. They did not want him to join.

Cohen said he became convinced that joining the caucus would be "a social faux pas" after seeing news reports that former Rep. William Lacy Clay Sr., D-Mo., a co-founder of the caucus, had circulated a memo telling members it was "critical" that the group remain "exclusively African-American."

Other members, including the new chairwoman, Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick, D-Mich., and Clay's son, Rep. William Lacy Clay, D-Mo., agreed.

"Mr. Cohen asked for admission, and he got his answer. ... It's time to move on," the younger Clay said. "It's an unwritten rule. It's understood. It's clear."

Well, that's politics right? You and I aren't running for office. (Oh, wait, I am running for office.)

The same type of exclusionary policies are likely happening at your office. Are you a male that wants to join the "Women's Leadership Seminar"? Good luck. Several companies I have worked for have programs just for minorities and females. White males need not apply.

This is something I don't understand. Do white males by virtue of the combination of skin color and Y chromosomes automatically know how to navigate the corporate world? Do people without that blessed combination not know how to do it and need guidance?

My experience has been that very few people have an innate knowledge of how to advance in corporate America. Most people learn by trial and error and seeking out a mentor. Groups that help people succeed are great. But the end goal should be sucessful people, not specialized help for a specific group.

I Totally Agree With This

Casa del Herrero Se Usan Cucharas de Madera

At the silverware makers house, they eat with wooden spoons.

Rabble told me this one today, in reponse to my comment that everywhere I've worked, the HR department was the worst of all groups at actually firing incompetent people.

From Caterina.net

I don't want to say too much, but it's seriously a problem. I think it's partly because it's very easy to sit in a meeting with a manager discussing an employee that you don't know personally and recommend termination. It's a different story when you know the person, may like the person, know they have 3 kids and a mortgage. And we have no one to go to for advice and support.

Things That Shouldn't Matter that Do

Your Looks:

Attractive people earn about 5 percent more in hourly pay than their average-looking colleagues, who in turn earn 9 percent more per hour than the plainest-looking workers.

This means if an average-looking person earned $40,000, their prettiest co-workers would make $42,000 while their least attractive colleagues brought home just $36,400.

Plain-looking workers may also receive fewer promotions than those awarded to their more striking contemporaries.

Where You Work:

Telecommuters are less likely to get promoted than peers who head into the office every day, according to a global survey of 1,300 executives released Tuesday by Los Angeles-based executive search firm Korn/Ferry International.

That's even though most of the executives consider telecommuters to be at least as productive as their desk-bound colleagues, according to the survey. And three-quarters of those bosses also said they'd like a job in which they could regularly telecommute.

Your Personality:

Here at Fast Company, our top managers and editors were all recently asked to take the MBTI evaluation and submit their results to HR, resulting in more than a little anxiety. What would the results be used for? Who would get to see them? What if my type didn't match what the boss thought he wanted in a management-level person? Turns out that these are all questions every applicant should feel confident asking their managers or prospective managers administering a personality test. Try to understand why your manager is interested in personality theory. Remember that this process gives you as much insight into the corporate management philosophy as the test will give the company into your personal philosophy. "They can be useful learning tools," says Lara Kammrath, who teaches management at Columbia's Graduate School of Business, "but are worrying in other uses because of their very low ability to predict actual workplace behaviors."

Help, I'm Surrounded by Jerks

Not really. The only person in the same room as me is my husband and he's not a jerk. We don't even have the television on. (Although if we did, we'd be watching our DVD of House--and House is definitely a jerk.)

Anyway, it's another New York Times article. It's a common problem. Someone in your office, your family, your neighborhood or you grocery store is a jerk. And you have to deal with them.

This quote kills me, though:

For Ann Rothman, a Manhattan real estate agent, her difficult person is a know-it-all friend who simply cannot be pleased.

“She’s a superior human being, and she comes from a superior area — Berkeley, Calif.,” Ms. Rothman said. “She has told me many times that there are only two places to get good food. One of them is Berkeley, and one of them is France. And France is only second to Berkeley.”

Umm, Ms. Rothman, I realize it's cool to be interviewed by the New York Times and all, but now you are the jerk. Everyone who knows you will know which friend you are talking about and you've just embarrassed her in front of the world.

A small hint for those of you who are wondering whether or not to say something. When we advise people to stop and think if they really want to read that on the front of the New York Times, we realize most things never will. However, if the perosn you are talking to is a New York Times reporter--well, if you can't say anthing nice, don't say anything at all.

Read their suggested books and take them to heart. That way you'll stop bothering your poor employee relations person with your complaints.

Race and Your Business

"The auditors are here." These can be some of the scariest words an HR manager can hear. People showing up to make sure you are not discriminating--and keep in mind the discrimination doesn't have to be on purpose. It can be due to disparate impact.

Two articles on this topic caught my eye. The first is from the New York Times--an article about a restaurant accused of discrimination. It raises these questions:

WHATEVER the outcome, Mr. Boulud’s headaches bring to light a common problem in high-end restaurants around the country. In an industry that relies largely on immigrants, just how difficult is it for workers who don’t speak English as a first language to get ahead? And at what point does hiring someone to achieve a certain look or style in a restaurant turn into racism?

The second article was from a CNN Transcript. A woman, Lisa Bailey, was denied a job at Harvard because she had poor credit. She claims discrimination--because minorities tend to have worse credit scores than whites a policy of making decisions based on credit has a "disparate impact" on minorities. Therefore, she claims, it is a discriminatory policy. She's suing and apparently has the backing of the EEOC.

For the record, her job involved handling money. Companies should be very careful who they let handle their money. But if your poor credit is due to periods of unemployment or medical bills or something outside your control, is it fair?

Well, life is never fair. But should companies be allowed to make decisions based on how they want their restaurant to "look" or what people's credit scores are? Whatever you think the answer should be, remember the EEOC has their own opinion and as a business owner, you better be in compliance.

Managing, American Idol Style

I've seen maybe 2 episodes of American Idol, so I'm definitely not in the "fan" category, although considering its popularity I'm probably one of the few. I believe part of its appeal is how mean the judges are. The Washington Post's Lisa de Moraes reviews the early auditions and quotes many a rude and condescending statement from the judges, but she also (perhaps inadvertantly) says something about workers in general by giving the singers' responses. Note this interchange between Simon and an Idol hopeful:

"I don't want to patronize you but it's never gonna work for you, darling," Simon sneers.

"I'm sorry but we're trying to find the best, and that was so far away from it."

"Oh my God!" Rhode wails.

"No way. Please no, please!" she begs.

"The good news is today you found out you're not going to be [a singer] so you can just -- move on," Simon says therapeutically while she weeps.

Rhode seeks comfort from her family outside. "I really thought I had it. I thought I was ready. They said I'm not even a good singer," she sobs.

Simon is rude. That's part of the charm of the show. But, this is also where I wish managers would be a little bit more like him.

He tells her the "good news"--she's not a singer. The implication is she's never going to be a singer and so she should just move on. Do you know how rare it is for managers to divulge that piece of information? Please note that the singer had no idea she was a bad singer.

I once had an accountant share with me how excited he was to have finally passed the CPA exam--after only taking it yearly for 10 years! Someone should have said after the 3rd failure, "The good thing is, you weren't meant to be a CPA, now you can move on."

I once dealt with a salesman who was part of a downsizing--but he was specifically selected because he had such poor sales results. Obviously, he knew his own results, but he was convinced he wanted to be a salesman. Several years later he contacted me again--he'd just left another job in sales because the management was "so mean" and wanted to know if he could work for my company again. Ummmm, no? He wouldn't have applied but he'd contacted his former boss for a reference who had said, "Oh, I wish I had an opening for you, but I don't."

Granted, the boss was trying to be nice, but instead he prolonged this guy's opinion that sales was the right area for him. It wasn't. He needed to know the truth and move on.

Truth can really hurt. It's unpleasant to say mean things, but remember it is also "mean" to not say what you "mean." The former boss meant, "I can't rehire you because you're a horrible salesman" but the employee heard, "I would hire you if I could and I wish I had an opening for you."

It's not the employee's fault. The manager said what the employee heard, it's just not what he meant.

So mean what you say--even if it causes you to be a little mean. You can be nice in your meanness, just don't cloud the meaning.

Confidential Information

"Shhh, it's absolutely confidential."

I don't know how many times people have come to my office, shut the door behind them and said those words, or something similar. Then they tell me something intensely dull and boring ("We're thinking of rolling out a new benefits form. This one won't mention the actual dollar amount of the copays. We're hoping to cut down on complaints.")

Okay, there are some interesting things said as well. Well, they used to be interesting. Everything is interesting to the new person in HR. You get to know who is being hired and who is being fired, who committed "gross misconduct" (don't ask) and what everyone's raise is going to be. Yippee! Except that after you've seen your 27,000th raise that week and audited the data until your eyeballs bled you don't care much.

Except, when everyone is intent on keeping this particular piece of confidential information so confidential that you can't discuss it with your co-workers, superiors or (heaven forbid), underlings. Then, it becomes interesting. Oh, not that Jane Doe is being fired because her work has really gone down hill over the past 6 months. That's old hat. What is interesting is the reasons they want to keep it confidential.

Now, granted, all of this is still interesting to those outside of HR. But those of us in the thick of it just don't care any more. So, here are my thoughts about keeping HR information from other HR people.


1. If you can't keep your mouth shut, you have no business being in HR. Instead of HR bigwigs thinking up all sorts of rules to keep information under lock and key, they should hire people who can deal with it and fire people who can't.

2. Race and Gender are fairly obvious things. Really, they are. So, don't get all freaky about a report on another HR professional's desk that contains that information about employees. Yes, we don't post our racial makeup in the company cafeteria, but we're all HR here. Plus, we have access to the system and can run our own reports that display that information, if we so desire. HR can get way too panicked about such things and the results are almost comical.

3. We know executives are overpaid. We wish we were executives. We do not discuss executive salaries with people who do not need to know So, when you are in my office, asking a compensation question, if the door is shut, you don't need to whisper and tell me that this is "really confidential". First of all, even if the people around me could hear, they don't care. Second, they have access to the information as well and could look it up. Third, it's another executive salary question. It's not interesting.

4. When you try to hide what you have done, more people end up knowing about it then would ordinarily know. And more discussion takes place then would normally take place. Why? Because we have to call people and ask them to go outside normal channels. They need approval to go around established rules. So, they have to call people. Everyone has to explain to everyone else why we need this exception. ("Because it's confidential. Shh!") If you just followed normal procedures, whatever exception you thought was so juicy would be processed and ignored just like everything else.

Now, for outside HR, none of the above apply. (Well, number 4 applies everywhere. The more you try to hide, the more widely it will be known.) But inside? Either be a professional about confidential information or get out. One bad apple makes the rest of us crabby.

I'm Not That Kind of Blog!

I can see what words people put into Google to find my blog. Today I got a hit from the following search:

"How to make a lady pregnant."

Ummm, I don't think I was what you were looking for. But, welcome anyway!

Those Policies Really Do Make A Difference

Perks, we like to call them, (although the spelling bothers me because it's a shortening of perquisite, so I swear it should be perq, but then you have a q at the end and that's just not done). Do they make a difference?

Absolutely, and that is why HR departments should think long and hard about what ones they offer. (I have a list of the ones I want--let's start with telecommuting!) I just read in the New York Times that because government workers get free parking in NYC, 35% of them drive to work. Have you ever driven in Manhattan? I have. It falls into the "extremely unpleasant" category. But, hey, you have to pay to park at the train station, you have to pay for the train, but you get free parking? Might as well drive. That's an impact, all right.

One little perk, I have (which has kept me bound not only to my company, but to my particular department) is the ability to come in a little late every morning. I have an hour commute and a child in daycare and a husband who can't find his wallet in the morning, so I usually arrive around 9:15. In some departments that would mean a sure firing. My boss has two children in school and a husband--although I don't know if he loses his wallet regularly--so she understands. Huge perk (and it doesn't cost the company a penny.)

I've written about Best Buy's Results Oriented Work Environment before. Employees get to set their own schedules--work from home (or a coffee shop, or a ski lodge) if they desire. The result of this perk?

Since the program's implementation, average voluntary turnover has fallen drastically, CultureRx says. Meanwhile, Best Buy notes that productivity is up an average 35% in departments that have switched to ROWE. Employee engagement, which measures employee satisfaction and is often a barometer for retention, is way up too, according to the Gallup Organization, which audits corporate cultures.

Turnover is down, productivity is up, as is employee satisfaction. Are you listening HR departments? They didn't increase salaries, they increased non-monetary perks. (And I would imagine with telecommuting, you cut down on office space costs, which can be tremendous!)

Another company with fabulous perks is the SAS Institute.

It started with free M&M’s. Now there’s a country club, on-site Montessori daycare, on-site doctors and nurses, 35-hour work week, live piano music during lunch, 50.000 square foot fitness center, swimming pools, no dress-code, masseur, on-site car detailing. And more. If you need assistance in adopting a child or finding a college for your child or a nursing home for a parent, they have people to help you with that too.

Boy, you could definately get my loyalty for free M&Ms. (I'm starting to think--I just might be a little too focused on candy. Can you tell that I'm back on my diet?)

What perks does your company have, and what perks would you love to see added?

Some New (to me) links

The blogosphere is an amazing thing. I wanted to share some great sites I've just found (or in several cases, they found me.)

Recruiting Fly is a great blog which brings in information on recruiting and HR in general. Run by C.M. Russell, he always seems to find interesting things first.

The Cranky Middle Manager is a podcast show, hosted by Wayne Turmel. He interviews fascinating authors and experts in business. And I'm not just saying that because I'll be on an upcoming podcast. Wayne also writes at Management Issues which is another great site. Hop over and read his column about Santa's Annual Performance Review.

Recruiting.com gathers HR articles from around the web. Then you get to vote on how much you liked them.

Don't worry--I'm going to add all these to my links, but not right now. Now I'm off to work--to add a little more HR love to the world.

Minimum Wage

The House approved a minimum wage hike today. Now, just to get my cards on the table, I am a free market capitalist. A hard core free market capitalist, if the truth be told.

When proponents start spouting about how wonderful it is to increase wages of those at the bottom of the pay scale, I always say the following thing. "I agree. And I think there needs to be a specific minimum wage for accountants."

"What?" they invariably respond. "Accountants make much more than the minimum wage."

"Oh, I know, but I think we need a new, accountant minimum wage. I say $50,000 a year."

"You're whacked, lady."

"Well, yes, but why not? If we can mandate a mimimum wage for fast food workers, why not accountants?"

"Because fast food employees need more money to have a living wage."

"Accountants need a living wage too. They probably have student loans. Plus, what if they are married, with kids, living in an expensive area? They need guarenteed paychecks as well. Sure, some jobs labeled "accounting" aren't really CPA type jobs, but I don't want to leave those people out. I don't think $50,000 is too much to ask."

"The market and each accounts abilities determines their salaries--we don't need--"

And at that point I smile and say, "we don't need a minimum accountant wage because the market and their abilities determine their salaries? Shouldn't we allow the market and abilities determine everyone's wage? I can't hire you unless you bring me more money than it costs to employ you. Creating a minimum wage just means that if you aren't capable of bring me more than $7.25 an hour then I have to fire you. Sorry about that."

Reality is, very few people earn minimum wage. And most who do, only do so for a short time period. Most are young and do not need a true "living wage." Why? Mom and Dad are supporting the living. The worker is supporting music, a car, and good times with friends.

In my town, I doubt there are any jobs that pay the minimum wage. I see fast food restaurants advertising "Staring at $8.50 an hour." Why? Because that is what the market demands.

For an interesting article on the impact on the proposed wage increase, the Washington Post published an article titled Life at $7.25 an Hour that discusses some of the people who will be affected by the raise in the minimum wages. Regarding a store owner:

It's not that he's against raising the minimum wage -- "I don't think $5.15 is adequate," he said, adding that $7.25 seems fair -- but his profit margin is thin, and wages are his biggest controllable expense. So if wages go up, he said, hours will have to come down, and the question will become: Whose?

And a low paid employee:

At the register, meanwhile, Shannon Wilk, 33, who makes $6.25 an hour, said that of course she would like to earn more money. It would help her. It would help her 18-month-old daughter. "It would be good," she said, "but also, for me, I live in income-based housing, and if I get a raise, my rent would go up, and I would lose my assistance." Even the tiniest raise would affect her, she said, and with nowhere to go, the last thing she can afford is a raise to $7.25.

Interesting.

Does This Sound Like Your Boss?

I found this list about bosses today and it made me giggle a little. My two favorites:

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

Carnival Time!

Dr. Sanity has the Carnival of the Insanities posted.

My favorite (besides the announcement of my own Senate Campaign) is this video about Spiders on Drugs.

I am Officially Announcing My Candidacy for Senate

As my regular readers know, I have two degrees in Political Science. (Yes, one alone only bordered on foolishness, so I had to get two so I would be completely unemployable. Now you understand how I ended up in HR.) One would think with my knowledge of things political, some professor somewhere--or a text book, or an American Journal of Political Science article--something, would have told me this:

The Senate has a candy desk.

One of the senators' desks is dedicated to candy. It used to belong to Rick Santorum, but since he lost his last election, it's now been assigned to the senator from Wyoming. This is problematic--everyone knows PA candy (Hersheys, anyone?), but Wyoming?

So, to rectify this situation and get free candy, I officially announce my candidacy for Senate. I'll worry about my platform later. There isn't a Senate race until 2010 for my state, so I have a few months to prepare my candidacy.

I'm accepting applications for campaign managers and lackeys. If I win, I'll let you have access to the candy desk.

How Not to be Evil

People, people, people. How many times do I have to explain this? If you are going to be evil, you do it in a closed board room allowing only those who have taken blood oaths to keep your evil ways secret. You do not do it via e-mail. E-mail is forever.

From the Wall Street Journal (sorry, you have to be a subscriber to read it all):

Abbott's sickening plot: E-mail trail shows efforts to price-gouge on its AIDS drug c included proposal to sell its own cheaper drug, Norvir, only in a liquid form that tastes like vomit

John Carreyrou
CR Wall Street Journal

In fall 2003, Abbott Laboratories grew worried about new competition to its flagship AIDS drug, Kaletra. Then it seized on an unusual weapon that helped Kaletra's global sales top $1 billion a year, even as it exposed Abbott to criticism that it was endangering patients.
The weapon was an older Abbott AIDS drug called Norvir. It is a key part of a drug treatment that involves taking Norvir and rival companies'pills. Previously undisclosed documents and e-mails reviewed by the Wall Street Journal show how Abbott executives discussed ways to diminish the attraction of Norvir, with the goal of forcing patients to drop the rival drugs and turn to Kaletra.

At one point, the executives debated removing Norvir pills from the U.S. market and selling the medicine only in a liquid formulation that one executive admitted tasted like vomit. The taste would discourage use of Norvir and competitors' drugs and bring customers back to Kaletra, the executives reasoned, and Abbott could claim it needed Norvir pills for a humanitarian effort in Africa. Another proposal was to stop selling Norvir altogether.

Blech. And just after I said I had great respect for pharma companies.

Other Bloggers Are Doing My Job Today

Not that they know they are. But, hey thanks! Ann Althouse and Dr. Helen both have job related posts up today, so I'm just going to blog off their blogging. Talk about lazy!

(Then again, I realize that most of my readers read this at work, so no finger pointing about laziness. You should be working! And how do I know this? Because from December 22 through January 1 my hits were pathetic. Then come January 2--the first big back to work day, and they are up very high. Same phenomenon all over the blogosphere. But, I'm digressing again. I should have made staying on the same subject one of my New Year's Resolutions.)

Anyway, Althouse posts about a NYT article on Google's new hiring practice. It sounds cool to me. Here's a quote from the Original Article:

Desperate to hire more engineers and sales representatives to staff its rapidly growing search and advertising business, Google — in typical eccentric fashion — has created an automated way to search for talent among the more than 100,000 job applications it receives each month. It is starting to ask job applicants to fill out an elaborate online survey that explores their attitudes, behavior, personality and biographical details going back to high school.

I think that is so cool. I hope it works for them.

“As we get bigger, we find it harder and harder to find enough people,” said Laszlo Bock, Google’s vice president for people operations. “With traditional hiring methods, we were worried we will overlook some of the best candidates.”

I seriously believe this is a problem. Some people are fabulous workers, but simply don't interview well. Some people are great in interviewing and terrible workers. I'll be interested to see how it all turns out. Knowing Google, I suspect it will.

Dr. Helen blogs about Queen Bees in the workforce. A study was done in Spain where men and women were presented with profiles and asked to assess the candidates:

The study found that when presented with applications for promotion, women were more likely than men to assess the female candidate as less qualified than the male one...

The study says: “Female participants had a stronger tendency than male participants to view the female candidates as less qualified than the male candidate . . . they also thought that the female candidate would fare worse in the future in her job than the male candidate.”

Interesting. It certainly was that way in Jr. High. Are women more of a threat to other women? In my professional career, I've only had one male supervisor, (welcome to HR) so I don't really feel qualified to make an over-arching judgment. I have had fabulous female bosses and really, really lousy ones. Some of the female managers I know will do anything to keep their people down. Some will do anything to bring them up.

I would be interested in seeing more studies like this.

HR Deals with Healthcare, Right?

Okay, I'm not a benefits administrator, nor do I ever plan to be one. But, HR usually is responsible for picking out health plans, which relates directly to your health care, which is why I'm blogging about this essay in the New York Times:What’s Making Us Sick Is an Epidemic of Diagnoses

The authors argue that it doesn't make sense that we are all suffering from additional diseases when everyone is living so much longer. They write:

Most of us experience physical or emotional sensations we don’t like, and in the past, this was considered a part of life. Increasingly, however, such sensations are considered symptoms of disease. Everyday experiences like insomnia, sadness, twitchy legs and impaired sex drive now become diagnoses: sleep disorder, depression, restless leg syndrome and sexual dysfunction.

They also write about the "medicalization of childhood" where every sniffle is a reason for treatment. I must say I agree with them.

All of these treatments, of course, cost money. Of course, you, the consumer, don't generally care how much they cost because you have insurance. The most I pay for a prescription is $25 for a month supply. If I order it from my prescription provider they'll give me 3 months for $25. I don't think about cost when my physician writes a prescription and neither does he, because he knows I have insurance.

And who pays for most of that insurance? Employers do. And health care costs are skyrocketing, yet we don't see a correlation between what we do and what the costs are. Maybe we'd all get bigger raises if our employers weren't paying for what used to be considered normal life.

Happy New Year!

The Evil family celebrated New Year's Eve by visiting relatives, eating macaroni and cheese and falling asleep by 11:00. We're so hip we can hardly stand it.

But, in the spirit of the holiday, I will make some resolutions.

1. Update blog description (already done! I'm so on top of things.)
2. Exercise at least once in 2007
3. No library fines--well, how about fewer libary fines? I have a real problem with this.

So, those are my New Year's Resolutions. I look forward to a new year of HR fun.

Why I Hate Recruiters, Part 2

I received the following e-mail at my Evil HR Lady e-mail.

Dear Hiring Authority,

My name is [SPAMMER] and I am a Recruiter in Boston. I have several strong candidates who would be a great fit for your posted Administrative position and I would love to share their resumes with you.

Each has been pre-screened for communication, presentation and Computer Software skills and all are wonderful!

Because I represent a full service agency, please let me know of any other roles where my services would be of value.

I look forward to the possibility of partnering with your company in helping you with all of your hiring needs. Thank you!

[Spammer]
Career Consultant
[Headhunting Firm].

So, I responded:

[SPAMMER],

If you even bothered to read my blog, you would know I don't recruit, so therefore I have no admin positions available. I will, however, be blogging about this.

Happy New Year

Evil HR Lady

Well, I guess I put the evil in my name because I received a prompt response:

Dear Evil HR Lady,

I did just check out your blog and you are quite funny and creative...but I must ask...Why are you so evil? My apologies for including you in my mailing to HR professionals. It will never happen again-I promise. Please don't be too evil to this little recruiter...I'm feeling a little scared knowing that I crossed you. Have a wonderful New Year...may it be filled with many more funny and interesting stories to blog about.

Warmest Regards,

[REDEEMED SPAMMER]
Not Evil Yet Career Consultant :)
[Headhunting Firm]

Ahh, she redeemed herself. A very prompt apology--plus she said the magic words (that I am funny and creative, of course). Now, she just needs to read my blog every day and share it with all her co-workers and friends. And then, get SHRM to advertise on my site. Or better yet, find me a job that requires me to do nothing more than blog about HR that pays fabulously well. (I don't, by the way, need benefits, so that opens up a whole range of jobs for me!)

Finding the right person for a job is very, very hard work. And if she truly has qualified administrative people, that would make her valuable--if I were a recruiter, which I'm not. (Or, if by chance I were looking for a new admin for me, which I'm not, although I wish I were, which should probably be its own post.)

Our Spamming recruiter friend almost found something out the hard way--you need to know who you are contacting before contacting them. I absolutely wouldn't have minded if she'd sent an e-mail to me saying, "Dear Evil HR Lady, I've read your blog (and you're really funny), and wanted to introduce myself. I'm a recruiter who specializes in administrative support blah, blah, blah. If you know anyone who is looking for quality blah blah blah," I wouldn't have felt a strong desire to blog about it. The most important aspect of that letter would have been that she would have addressed it to ME. As it was I could tell I was blind copied which generally means she's sent it to every e-mail address she could possibly find.

And now, since I am only evil because I am in HR, I won't mention her name or her company. But other bloggers are not so nice. So, if you are going to send out mass e-mails, realize that once something hits cyberspace, you've lost control of it.

Mess, Mess, I love to Make a Mess

The title of this post is a quote. I will think warm thoughts of you if you can identify the source. Anyway, messes.

I'm in a job share situation, which means I also share a desk. I'm a walking disaster area partnered up with a neatnik. However, in my efforts to make our working relationship functional, I agreed to her totally irrational need to keep a clean desk, and she doesn't say anything when I eat all her candy. (Note to job share partner, bring in some chocolate covered pretzels.) It's a good deal.

So, imagine my delight when I saw an article in the New York Times headlined Say Yes to Mess. Ahhh, victory is sweet.

Studies are piling up that show that messy desks are the vivid signatures of people with creative, limber minds (who reap higher salaries than those with neat “office landscapes”) and that messy closet owners are probably better parents and nicer and cooler than their tidier counterparts.

See, I'm a better parent and more creative then she is. (Our salaries, however, are identical--hmmm.) Of course, when you think HR, you don't generally think creative, nice or cool. You generally think (judging by the Google searches that land people here) that the only creative thoughts coming out of HR are ingenius ways to pay people less and fire them more quickly. (Incidentally, I can whip up termination papers in a matter of minutes. Yes, even with a clean desk!)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to search for the Offspring. I know she's around here somewhere. Perhaps under that pile of paper.

Diabetes in the Workplace

Fascinating article about diabetes in the workplace.

Evil HR Lady's advice for companies trying to set policy--run it by the New York Times test--you know, would you want what you did to be on the front page of the New York Times? I bet UPS would have preferred that this didn't end up there.

I don't know how I feel about the accommodations for diabetics. No one I am close to suffers from the disease, so I am very unaware. I do think, however, eating at your desk should be a no-brainer type accommodation.

Beauty Pageants

As a child, my sisters and I used to live for the Miss America, Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants. We watched them live, recorded them for later viewing, and even made our own beauty pageants by using the family video camera (this was the '80s so the camera was huge and attached to an actual VCR that we dragged around).

I have since lost the pageant love. I haven't seen one in years, but I've been interested in the latest pageant news. First, it turns out that Donald Trump owns Miss USA. Who knew? (Kind of creepy, actually.) Second, apparently good little girls aren't winning. (I have noted that Vanessa Williams, who was dethroned in the 1980s--I'm too lazy to look up the exact year--is the only Miss America who really succeeded in show business. Intereseting, isn't it?)

Miss USA, Tara Conner, was allowed to retain her title after she had a little too much inapproriate fun at a NY nightclub. Now, Miss Nevada has had her crown revoked for risque photographs posted online. (And no, the link isn't to the photos, it's to the Washington Post. I'm not that kind of blogger.)

Time for our little HR application. First, I hope Mr. Trump has specific rules about how such pictures are not permissable. Second, I would have liked to see Miss Conner kicked out as well. Kind of makes you wonder how someone as ruthless as the Donald (or as he portrays himself to be) would let someone like that stay "on staff."

But, since most of us aren't in the position to choose the fate of beauty queens, a better application would be this. Nothing is quite as permanent as an embarrassing situation. As I like to tell my Sunday School Class, God may forgive you and forget your sins, but your neighbors never will. Your spring break your sophomore year in college could have been 10 years ago, but it may cause you problems in your current job.

So, you must always be good. You never know who is watching--and who is taking pictures. Don't yell at the cashier at the grocery store--the person in line behind you may be someone you are supposed to interview with (or interview) tomorrow. Most companies don't appreciate obscene pictures of their employees surfacing anywhere.

So, be good.

Hungry? Good.

Once a month I conduct a 5 hour training. That's 5 hours on my feet explaining our complicated HRIS (that would be the computers that store all your HR data).

The class starts at 12:00, but a free lunch is included. I'm all for free and I'm always in favor of lunch. However, I rarely eat more than a half a sandwich, or a cup of fruit. I always felt like I could train better when my stomach was empty. So I felt rather vindicated when I read this:

According to a fascinating article in the March, 2006 issue of Nature Neuroscience, the stimulation of hunger causes mice to process information more quickly and to retain it better – in general, making them smarter. According to the researchers, humans almost certainly experience the same connection between hunger and peak brain function.

This makes intuitive sense--at least part of it. You don't sit around after Thanksgiving dinner and solve differential equations. Being slightly hungry can increase performance. So, no more huge meals at meetings.

In order to read the original article you need to pay for the Journal Nature Neuroscience. In case you think you might want to, here is the link. Just a warning, though. Here's the text of the abstract:

The gut hormone and neuropeptide ghrelin affects energy balance and growth hormone release through hypothalamic action that involves synaptic plasticity in the melanocortin system. Ghrelin binding is also present in other brain areas, including the telencephalon, where its function remains elusive. Here we report that circulating ghrelin enters the hippocampus and binds to neurons of the hippocampal formation, where it promotes dendritic spine synapse formation and generation of long-term potentiation. These ghrelin-induced synaptic changes are paralleled by enhanced spatial learning and memory. Targeted disruption of the gene that encodes ghrelin resulted in decreased numbers of spine synapses in the CA1 region and impaired performance of mice in behavioral memory testing, both of which were rapidly reversed by ghrelin administration. Our observations reveal an endogenous function of ghrelin that links metabolic control with higher brain functions and suggest novel therapeutic strategies to enhance learning and memory processes.

A Marriage, a Job, It's All the Same

How long did you date your spouse before you decided to get married? Three months? Six months? 14 years? An hour?

An hour? Some of you are shocked, yet we make decisions to offer job and accept jobs based on an hour or two of interviews. On a day to day basis, we spend more awake time at our jobs than we do with our spouses. Despite the difference in courtship time, manager/employee relationships are very similar to marital ones. Especially the problems that erupt.

The New York Times ran an article about the problems in marriage. Almost all of them can relate to the workplace. For example:

For instance, when the couples were asked whether they would start a family within a year of their marriage, nearly three-quarters said they hadn’t discussed the timing and were in disagreement on that point

Oops, did you discuss everything you really should have before you accepted a job? For instance, is your department's policy to work late into the night any time someone in senior management says "boo!" or do you push back? I'm a push back person (and, by the way, it's never hurt me), but right now I report to a "jump" person. It's a conflict, but I never would have thought to bring it up in a job interview.

Another example from marriage:

“A young man, a newlywed, thought his role was to be responsible for all the decision-making for the couple,” Mr. Eisenberg said. “However, the couple had never discussed those issues, and his assumptions came as a surprise to her.”

Did you discuss how decisionw were made when you were interviewing? Do you discuss it with the people you interview. In lots of departments all the decisions are made from the top, but all the responsibility is on the lower levels. If you are in those lower levels, would you have taken the job if you had known?

New questions to think about next time you are job hunting--or hiring. You only have a couple of hours, let's make it quality interviewing time. After all, you'll spend more time with this person than you will with your spouse.

Try Composing the Help Wanted Ad for This

Larry Penny, 71, director of East Hampton’s natural resources department, said... “we don’t keep a certified whale-vomit expert on staff.”

Just where would he find one if he wanted one?

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Performance Appraisal time. What else could you possibly be thinking?

I know, everyone hates them. I hate them too. So, to be helpful, here are some hints for managers and employees.

Tips for Managers

Just sit down and write the darn things. Starting them is the hard part. Just get started and it will take less time then you thought.

Copy and paste from the self-appraisals your employees submitted. If they didn't submit them this year, make sure they do next year. And have them submit them electronically. I mean, if worker Bob has already written a paragraph about how he truly embodies the company value of "teamwork" and he truly does, just take his paragraph. Then edit it to fit.

Copy and paste from last year's appraisal. If your employee is still doing the same job, you can use some of the language from the previous year's appraisal. These are not meant to be literary works of art, they are meant to transmit a message.

Be honest. If Bob is consistently late to work, put it in the appraisal. If Sharon offends clients because she makes snide comments about their clothing, let Sharon know.

On the honesty front, don't write a glowing appraisal ("Sharon truly embraces quality") and then give a low overall rating. Be consistent. Point out the good and the bad.

Tell your employees how they can improve. ("Sharon's thoughtless remarks about other's attire is holding her back." "Bob needs to be in the office no later than 8:30." "Susan needs to consistently format her Excel spreadsheets before submitting.") Frequently, this is the only guide employees get.

Write actual goals for each employee and then make your own goal to regularly follow up.

E-mail a copy of the finished appraisal to the employee at least a few hours before you meet with her. Why? This will give the employee more time to internalize your comments and your discussion will be meaningful. If you are like most managers, your employees have little idea of what you actually think about their performance. Don't blindside them.

Tips for Employees

Write your self appraisal. I know, I know, it's probably too late. Make a note to do so next year. This is your chance to gush on about how wonderful you are. This is also the chance to bring up all the stuff your boss doesn't know about. (Which, in most cases is a lot. I'm not trying to insult managers, I'm just saying that especially for high performers, you do a lot that your boss doesn't know about. Let him know.)

If you get a bad appraisal, no weeping. Just as there is no crying in baseball, there should be no crying in a performance appraisal. If your boss blindsides you (he shouldn't) say, "I wasn't aware of these issues. I'd like to take time to think about them. Can we meet next week?" And then make sure you do.

Use the performance appraisal as a chance to suck up to your boss. Why not? It can't hurt and it might help for next year.

If there are no goals, or the goals are unrealistic (Sharon needs to double her client base by February is an unrealistic goal), discuss them now. Theoretically, this is what you will be graded on next year, so get it clear now.

Remember your manager hates these more than you do, so be kind.

If you disagree with your manager's assessment, take the time to write a response to be included. Don't whine and say it is not fair. Just document the inconsistences. What good does this do? Well, if you apply for an internal position to work for me, one of the first things I'm going to do is call employee records and get a copy of your previous appraisals. I'd like to hear your side.

Have fun with your appraisals. Fun writing them, fun getting them. And remember, once they are done you can go have some holiday fudge.

Where I Do Want to Work

Best Buy. Not in their stores, mind you. My knowledge of electronics consists of plugging things in and hoping they work. But, for their corporate offices (in HR, of course). Why? They have a Results Oriented Work Environment.

What this means, in practical terms, is that no one cares when you work or how much you work, only that your work gets done. Doesn't that sound heavenly? Some examples:

In employee relations, Steve Hance had suddenly started going hunting on workdays, a Remington 12-gauge in one hand, a Verizon LG (VZ ) in the other. In the retail training department, e-learning specialist Mark Wells was spending his days bombing around the country following rocker Dave Matthews. Single mother Kelly McDevitt, an online promotions manager, started leaving at 2:30 p.m. to pick up her 11-year-old son Calvin from school. Scott Jauman, a Six Sigma black belt, began spending a third of his time at his Northwoods cabin.

Of course, one of the comments on the article is from an actual employee, he explains:

I work at Best Buy headquarters and I live ROWE everyday. This article makes it sounds like the meeting rooms are empty and the lunch room is echoing at noon. That is not the case at all. From my experience, the vast majority of people still work a fairly regular schedule, but they may come or go during off peak rush hour times, or may spend an extra day at the cabin, etc. In general, people are still around the office, but with the freedom to choose when to leave. I love ROWE, but it really does blur the lines between work time and free time, which is both good and bad. I find it difficult to not check my emails throughout the evening, even after a full day at the office. I know other poeple are working and I could get a response to my email anytime. At the end of the day though, I will never work for another company that does not offer ROWE.

Just give some people the flexibility they want and they'll pretty much work normal hours anyway. This, of course, makes sense. You want to be in the office when your kids are at school and your friends are at work. But, if you want to take piano lessons, you can because you can leave early on Tuesdays.

This would be an ideal work environment for me. Now, I just need to get a job there. And, they'll need to provide full relocation, since I don't live in Minnesota. Plus, I'll probably need a new winter coat. Hmmm, do I really want to do this?

Should You Stay Home When You Are Sick?

I admit it. I thought when Ann Landers died that they should have hired me to replace her, rather than that Amy woman. Granted, I not only had no relevant experience, I didn't even apply. They should have just known to hire me.

But they didn't. So I'm resigned to reading and critiquing their advice. (Such a difficult life I lead.) Ironically, the column I am commenting on today is an old Ann Lander's column. Creators Syndicate still publishes one of her columns every week. Go figure. Here's the first letter:

Dear Ann Landers: I would like to respond to that "sick worker" who simply could not afford to stay home because she needed all of her paycheck.

My cousin, "Joy," worked in a large office. One of her co-workers came in with a terrible cold and flu. The co-worker said she felt lousy but she simply could NOT stay home because her pay would have been docked. Joy caught the cold, which resulted in flu and then pneumonia. One lung collapsed, and she never really recovered. In fact, she nearly died.

Many years ago, when my son was in nursery school, one mother sent her toddler to school even though she knew the child was ill. She said she couldn't miss work and wasn't able to find anyone to stay with the boy. It turned out to be polio.

Thousands of people die from the flu every year. Please urge your readers to stay home if they are ill. No paycheck is worth threatening the lives of fellow workers. I spent most of my work years in management. If employees knowingly came to work sick, I would fire them. They have no right to endanger the lives of others. -- La Mesa, Calif.

Now, in one sense, I agree with the writer. (Ann agrees with her and then tells everyone to get a flu shot, which I haven't done.) But what is sick? I've had a cough for week and a half. For 3 or 4 days last week I lost most of my voice. Should I have stayed home from work?

I didn't, by the way. I also went to a choir practice (that was especially fun with no voice!), grocery shopping, made meals for my family (okay, so on Wednesday I ordered pizza--mmm, pizza) and generally went about my life. Could you imagine how much the world would slow down if every time someone got the sniffles, we all locked ourselves in our bedrooms with pots of herb tea and lightly buttered toast? (Now I'm hungry.) I can and your boss would fire you.

First of all, I think companies should offer a reasonable amount of paid sick leave, separate from vacation pay. Second, I think if you are really sick you should stay home. Third, I wouldn't go around blaming specific people for the illnesses you catch. You could have picked it up from the hacking co-worker. You could have picked it up from the UPS guy or the lady who used the cart before you at the grocery store. Heck, in googling this topic, this cheery sentence came up:

Someone with mumps is contagious from about a week before symptoms appear until about nine days after they start.

Isn't that nice? It's true for the common cold and the flu as well, although neither asymptomatic contagious period is as long as the one for the mumps.

So, should you stay home from work if you are sick? Yes, if you are too sick to work then you should stay home. But no whining about co-workers who come in sick. Especially if your company has no paid sick leave. In that case, go whine to HR.

Quitting Without Giving Notice

Of course, except in extenuating situations, you should give notice before you quit. But, this is an extreme example of an employee who stormed off when things didn't go his way.

Top tenor Roberto Alagna has stunned opera-goers at La Scala in Milan by storming off stage in the middle of a performance after he was booed.

The Franco-Italian singer, who was playing a leading role in Verdi's Aida, walked off minutes into the second night of the opera house's new season.

His understudy rushed on wearing jeans and carried on Sunday's performance.

For further reading:

6 Reasons You Shouldn't Quit Without Notice

Hat Tip Ann Althouse.

Taking Your Work Home

Blackberries are apparently causing problems in families. Mom and Dad just can't leave it alone.

From the Wall Street Journal:

The refusal of parents to follow a few simple rules is pushing some children to the brink. They are fearful that parents will be distracted by emails while driving, concerned about Mom and Dad's shortening attention spans and exasperated by their parents' obsession with their gadgets.

I am blogging about this for three reasons. One, companies are not truly "Family friendly" if their employees are expected to be reachable all of the time. So, stop saying that you are.

Two, it really is rude to be using your Blackberry during other events. Your children's year end talent show is boring. Even your kid is not as talented as you like to think he is. And very few second grade choruses can sing harmony. Still, it is rude, rude, rude to be sending e-mails during the performance.

And three, to make Oliver glad that he read my blog today. Remember to limit blackberry time after Clara arrives.

More Cover Letters

After reading the delightful cover letter by our bitter job seeker, I thought I'd see if I could find additional bad cover letters. And I did.

Killian Advertising posted samples of "Cover Letters from Hell" that they've received. Some samples (the comments are theirs):

"The colors red, blue, and lavender are those that I identify with the most. I feel they accurately describe my personality. I choose red because I turn red when I get embarrassed ...." [That "red" thing must come up daily. We pulled the plug on this because you get the drift; the subsequent "blue" and "lavender" explanations didn't substantially improve her employment chances.]

"Another reason [you should hire me is] your web site is very unfriendly and may sway some clients into not working with you. People use websites of companies such as yours for research and your website thinks that it is witty, but comes off very dull and cheezy." [Editor's note: This is the first entry in a new category we call "Insult Your Way to the Top!"]

Hat tip to the National Association of Manufacturers" blog (it sounds boring, but it's not, I swear).

How You Write Your Resume Really Matters

Theoretically, you are you and you'll be the same you if I hire you, no matter how you've written your resume. Right? (Do I win a prize for the most uses of the word "you" in a single sentence? I should.) But getting hired is the hard part, so you want your resume to reflect you in the best light possible.

As an example of why how you say something matters, here's a little video. I'm sure you've all seen the movie. Take the word movie and switch it to "resume," then say, "If I was looking for a nanny, would I bring that Mary Poppins person in to interview?"

I didn't think so. Now, go re-write your resume.

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out!

There's always at least one thing to surprise you when you get married. Sure, you may think you know the person, but there will be something lurking in their family that your beloved just didn't want to share until it was too late. In my case, it was Evil Marketing Man's family tradition of watching A Christmas Story repeatedly on Christmas day.

Well, part of the tradition is everybody but my Father-in-Law complaining about having to watch it over, and over again. So, now it's grown on me. And now I wish I had thought of this: A budding entrepreneur bought the house used in "A Christmas Story's" outside shots and redid the inside to look like the house in the movie.

And now it's a tourist destination. Brilliant. And enough to make me almost want to visit Cleveland.

You Didn't Ask Me, but You Should Have

Another confession--I regularly read the letters posted at Dr. Laura's website. They are sometimes interesting, but usually amusing. Today I wanted to bang my head on my desk as I read a letter from a woman who is returing to the work force after being a stay at home mother for the past 8 years.

Getting a professional job after an 8 year lapse is difficult. I agree. The writer complained that some agencies wouldn't work with her because of the lapse. So, she decided to write a nontraditional letter explaining why she was gone. A quote:

If you consider me "brain-dead" because I was a homemaker and mother, than I do not want to work for you. You obviously have no idea what type of organizational skills, and multi-tasking it takes to raise such a large family. If you consider what I did to be honorable, and a wise choice, than we need to talk.

Aiyee! I'm a strong proponent of staying home with your children. Most of my friends quit their jobs when they had their first baby. My mother was out of the workforce for about 15 years. I work part time in order to maximize time with the offspring (although, ironically, I'm letting her watch Clifford while I write this). But, I would throw this woman's resume in the trash without even looking at it.

Why?

Because she's confrontational and has the clear expectation that hiring managers don't respect stay at home mothers. Plus, she gives way too much information. Another snippet:

The biological mother of the 5 children decided line-dancing and boyfriends were more important than raising her kids. She abandoned them.

We gained full custody of all 5 children. We haven't seen the mother since.

How tragic, but how inappropriate for a cover letter. I don't want to know that even after I've known you for several months. That's something you would tell me after we are friends, not before I interview you.

At first, I thought her idea to be upfront about why she'd been out of the workforce was wise--don't pretend you've been employed when you haven't been. But, my goodness lady, don't be so rude!

And next time, come to Evil HR Lady with your employment dilemmas. Not Dr. Laura. I'm just as mean and I have no commercial interruptions.

Layoffs

If there is one thing in HR that I'm absolutely passionate about, it's laying people off. (Someone asked what makes me so evil and this, apparently, is it.) Okay, I don't like laying people off. But, I see it as a necessary evil. What I am passionate about is doing it the right way.

I acknowledge that it's rarely pleasant (some people have volunteered for a package and they are thrilled). In fact, it's a miserable thing to do. But here is how you do it to make it as tolerable as possible.

1. When you know layoffs are coming, let the employees know they are coming and what general groups will be effected. (I'm not saying announce that "Everybody under John Doe in Finance--you will be out of here!" I'm saying, announce, "We will be reducing our work force by 2% in Finace, and IS.") This is not without consequences--good and bad. The good consequence that people who are interested in taking a package will come forward and let you know. You are not obligated to make your decisions based on that, but it's certainly helpful. The bad consequence is that some high performers will immediately start looking for a new job and if they find one before people are notified, you may lose some.

2. Give a decent severance package. Please, please, please, offer severance. I know, you aren't legally required to do so (in most cases), but please offer. I suggest a minimum of two weeks of pay for every year of service with 8 weeks minimum. You can have people sign a "General Release" in exchange for the severance. (This is a document that says, essentially, in exchange for this severance payment, I won't sue you.)

3. Tell people one-on-one and have the manager, not HR, be the actual deliverer of bad news. An HR employee should be there, but the message should come from the direct manager. The only exception to this rule is if an entire department is being laid off. Then you can tell them as a group, but only if the entire group is going.

4. Have the notification day be the last day worked. This may seem heartless, but people who know their job is ending in two weeks are bitter and they share their bitterness with their colleagues and it's just bad for morale and increases your risk of being sued.

5. Do notifications in the morning and all as rapidly as possible. Don't let them drag out throughout the day. Notify the people who are being terminated and then hold a meeting with the remaining employees to tell them the layoffs are finished. It stops the paranoia.

6. Allow people the dignity of cleaning out their own desks without a manager or security standing over them. You trusted these people for years, trust them for another hour or two to get their stuff together and even files they may need off their computers. This is a layoff--not termination for cause--so don't treat your employees like criminals. If you have valid fears that someone would do something destructive, then take that into consideration. Otherwise, be nice. I have personally been involved in laying off well over 1000 people and not once has a notified employee done something malicious.

7. Provide information about benefits, severance packages and time lines. Be honest. Tell them what happens if they sign the general release and what happens if they do not. Do not be evasive. Encourage them to speak with their own attorney.

8. Above all, do not follow any of the examples at this link. Here are some samples:

I didn't get it but the guy next to me did. We went out for lunch and when we came back his security pass wouldn't work so I let him through the gate. We passed the boss's office on the way to our desks. He went in and said "I need a new pass. Mine's failed." The boss said "Your pass hasn't failed. You don't work here."
and took the card out of his hand.

I got the boot on a Suday after spending an 80 hour week wrapping up a critical project for my employer. I was in San Francisco, preparing to fly back to Boston. The company I worked for canceled my corporate travel card the prior Friday. When I tried to book a flight back home, I was told that the card was cancelled.

Naturally I called my boss on his mobile phone ans asked what was up. He didn't expect the call, he said that HR was supposed to call me on Friday with the news. I asked my now ex-boss to purchase a return flight with his Traval card in my name at the SF airport. He refused.

I ended up buying a ticket back home with my own money. My ex-employer refused to reimburse the ticket because I had been technically terminated on Friday.

I ened up going to small claims court to get the cost of my plane ticket. My ex-company showed up with a lawyer and were set to dispute a $360 plane ticket. The corporate attourney saw the situation for what it was and said that they would pay my plane ticket, stating that it was a "clerical Error". I still had to pay the court filing fees and court costs. In the end, I got $220 back.

Normal Ranting or a Real Problem

Dear Evil HR Lady,

How should one react when an employee is told by the corporate office over the phone that they may not have any more vacation advanced to them and the employee rants and raves about how unfair it is and finishes with, "I am so frustrated, I could kill myself! And the bank [continues ranting]" Should one document the incident and then:

1. Assume the person is just venting watch the employee closely in the future;
2. Send upper management to her location to take a closer look at the situation and then debate the merits of options 1 and 2 with someone;
3. Take the threat seriously and advise the employee the next day, after her temper cools, that she must get counseling before she returns to work (sadly, we do not have an EAP);
4. Take the threat super seriously and have her escorted off the site where she is working as a subcontractor at a federal facility, which will likely have her clearance revoked and cause her to lose her job and any chance of working in that field in the future;
5. Something else I've missed?

Love your blog, by the way!

--Anne

Dear Anne,

I really, really hope this is purely a hypothetical question. Although I have a feeling that it's the same type of hypothetical question that I used when I said to my husband, "would you be upset if I told you I managed to put a six foot scrape along the side of the car?"

I took your question to my evil colleagues and they all said, "Yikes." That was the only thing they agreed on. One said, ignore it, normal rant, but especially don't do number 4. A second said:

At minimum, I would say document and three. Even as angry as I’ve been about certain work situations in the past, there’s always a line about how much “venting” is appropriate. For them to even consider uttering that line, let alone saying it out loud, indicates a problem. It’s so interesting that you should have to tackle this one now. I was just this morning relaying to my husband the need for a company to have a dr’s clearance upon an ee’s return from any LOA, to reduce the company’s exposure and potential for liability. I think that’s exactly the thing that this person needs to consider. And especially in today’s environment, people can not be afraid to seriously address these issues. Does this person want to be responsible for the next major news headline? These are the types of scenarios where if you can look back and say with a clear conscience that you did what you were supposed to do in order to address the situation, then you have done the right thing.

Initially, my gut response would be to see what their policy says in this situation, but the lack of one is why I’m assuming this person e-mailed to begin with...another example where lack of policy, procedure and employee assistance programs can open up a business to tons of exposure.

A third said that pychologists have to take all suicidal/homicidal threats seriously (even if they are 100% sure the person is just venting), and so should HR.

My vote most closely goes with your third option. Your company has no EAP (employee assistance program), but I think you should discuss with the ranting employee that what she said was not appropriate and that she needs to be evaluated. Then I would have the company hire someone to evaluate her. Whatever the cost for a psychological evaluation, it would be cheaper in the long run and much safer for your company. Asking an employee to go out and find her own counselor before returning to work is a really high burden. If her temper really is a problem, asking her to pay for one could make things worse.

If there isn't really a problem, the company will be out $200-$300 for a licensed professional to talk to the woman. If there is a problem, the company will have just saved hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of dollars dealing with the aftermath of an employee pushed over the edge.

Good luck,

Evil HR Lady

Stupid Headline of the Day (well of Monday--I'm behind)

Lure of Great Wealth Affects Career Choices" or so says the New York Times. The article is about people who make real money, not that piddling little $160,000 or so a year you make as a family practice physician.

While the article itself was interesting enough, the headline was poorly chosen. Of course your career choices are influenced by how much money you can make. I'd love to be a professor at a school that emphasizes teaching over research. But, let me tell you that the starting salary for professors in political science (what my degrees are in) is less than my admin makes.

Lack of money doesn't stop everybody from entering a career field. But the more money a job pays, the more selective you can be. The article attempts to convince the reader that anyone who wants to can jump to Wall Street's millions. However, keep in mind that the doctor they highlight obtained both his undergraduate and his medical degree from Harvard. I believe you may have heard of that school before.

While some people who make large piles of money are just downright lucky, jobs like the ones described in the article are given to the highly educated, highly intelligent types. Not all of us would be hired. And, importantly, not all of us would want to be. I, for one, don't want that kind of pressure. I have enough pressure as Evil HR Lady. (Mustn't disappoint the readers!)

Pregnancy Condundrum

Dear Evil HR Lady,

Advise me, if you would be so kind:

I have been at my current job for approximately 3 years. Last month, a new boss was hired. Our work styles clash, and I don't feel I can work successfully and happily with this woman. So, I have begun job hunting.

Last week, I had it confirmed that I am pregnant. About 6 weeks pregnant, as it happens. My feeling is that a prospective employer should be told, but that telling cuts the likelihood that I will actually be offered a position. So, I am torn. In your opinion, what are the ethics of looking for a new job while pregnant? Do I need to reveal the pregnancy before accepting a position? If yes, how early in the process do you recommend bringing up the topic?

Thanks in advance for sharing your views.

Dear Newly Pregnant,

First, congratulations! May your pregnancy be uneventful and your nausea at a minimum. Second, excellent question.

But, before we get to your question, I say a few things. Are you sure you really want to look for a new job? FMLA does not apply to you if you have worked for a company for less than a year. This means that even if your new company was otherwise subject to FMLA, they wouldn't have to honor it for you. This, in practical terms, means you aren't guarenteed 12 weeks off (unpaid) to care for your newborn.

In addition, is your healthcare through your current job? If you jump from one job to another, make sure you don't have any break in coverage. Some jobs give you coverage from your first day, others make you wait 3 months for coverage. If your new job is one with a 3 month wait, and your insurance lapses during that time, your pregnancy will be considered a "pre-existing condition" and you won't be covered. You can avoid this problem by using COBRA, but that could be expensive.

If you are not planning on coming back to work after the baby, save yourself the hassle and stay at your current job.

But, assuming that FMLA, insurance, and returning to work aren't issues for you, let's attack the job hunt.

I agree with you that you should tell a prospective employer of your pregnancy. Now, please understand you are not legally obligated to do so. Employers cannot legally discriminate against you because you are pregnant, but can refuse to hire you for other legitimate reasons. A lot of the reasons why one candidate is chosen over another is management preference, and discrimination is hard to prove. (If in fact, you would be someone who would sue if you weren't hired, I wouldn't recommend telling the interviewer that you are pregnant at all.)

But, if you disclose the pregnancy and are hired you already know you are going to be working for a boss that won't hold the pregnancy against you and he or she is much more likely to be sympathetic to the needs you'll have as a new mother. That's the kind of boss you want anyway.

I will be honest and say that there will be some jobs you won't be considered for because of the pregnancy. But, since you are in the luxurious position of already having a job, remember you don't want to work for someone like that anyway. I know in my experience, finding the right person for a position can be very difficult, so if you were the right person, I'd have no problem hiring you--even at the late stages of pregnancy.

Of course, don't bring it up first thing. "Hi, I'm Jill and I'm pregnant. Boy, that morning sickness is something, eh?" is not how you want to introduce yourself. Bring it up at the end of the interview and emphasize how much you are interested in the job, and how you are the right person and you'll be back after your brief maternity leave. Be positive. Be the right person and you'll be hired. Your new boss will respect your honesty.

Happy Job Hunting!

Evil HR Lady

Happy Thanksgiving

I thought I would post a list of some of the things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving.

My family (and this includes my husband, child, parents, siblings, and inlaws)
My friends
My home
My church
My country
Good food
Jobs
People who read my blog
People who send me questions (and yes, if you sent me one, I am planning to answer it, sorry for the delay!)
People who write blogs
Restaurants
Books
Soft beds
Pie (we have 7 people at Thanksgiving dinner, and only 6 pies this year. I am a bit worried)
and a million other things

Happy Thanksgiving!

Choices have Consequences

I'm a big believer in choices and consequences. As I tell my Sunday School class, you get to choose your actions, but not your consequences. Fortunately, consequences are rather easy to predict in many situations. (Although, I admit, not always. Like, for instance, who would have known that the consequence for eating an entire box of Hostess cupcakes would be a 3 pound weight gain--oh wait. Never mind.)

There's a new paper out that looks at what effect having children has on a scientific, academic career. From the abstract:

We find that women are less likely to take tenure track positions in science, but the gender gap is entirely explained by fertility decisions. We find that in science overall, there is no gender difference in promotion to tenure or full professor after controlling for demographic, family, employer and productivity covariates and that in many cases, there is no gender difference in promotion to tenure or full professor even without controlling for covariates. However, family characteristics have different impacts on women's and men's promotion probabilities. Single women do better at each stage than single men, although this might be due to selection. Children make it less likely that women in science will advance up the academic job ladder beyond their early post-doctorate years, while both marriage and children increase men's likelihood of advancing.

The blogosphere is in a tizzy over this. (Here and here for instance.) It seems obvious to me that what this paper is really about is that choices have consequences.

I can hear the whining now, but Evil HR Lady, it says that men advance when they have children and women don't. It must be sexism! Bah! It must be who they chose to marry. My husband chose to marry someone who was more devoted to family than career. Therefore, when my income dropped by 50% after giving birth because I chose to work part time and give up my management responsibilities, he was not surprised. By me being at home, I'm able to take care of more household responsibilities, freeing up his time for work. If women want their responsibilities around the house lessened so they can devote more time to work, pick the right husband before reproducing. Don't whine about it after it's too late.

It's neither sexist nor unfair. It's a choice. There are consequences. Take a deep breath and deal with it.

I'm Going to Be Laid Off

Dear Evil HR Lady,

There are rumors swirling that layoffs are happening soon--like in the next week soon. Managers are always in closed door meetings and then when asked what the meeting was about, they can't look at us in the eye and make some lame excuse, so we're pretty sure the layoffs are coming sooner rather than later.

What should I do when I officially find out? I mean, besides get a new job. How should I react? Should I threaten to sue? Weep? Demand to speak to a higher up?

Sincerely,

Unemployed by Christmas

Dear Unemployed by Christmas,

First, sorry about that. You may or may not be on the list, but one thing is for sure--companies love to have people off the books by year end, so lots of layoffs seem to happen in the 4th quarter.

Let's assume you are right and you will be "notified that your position is being eliminated" in the near future. Here are somethings to be prepared with.

1. I hope you work for a large company. Large companies tend to have better severance packages than smaller organizations. Good luck with that.

2. If you are part of a group layoff, there should be a document called a "Summary Plan Description" or something similar included. This will describe what the rules are--how severance was calculated and who is eligible.

3. Are you over 40? If so, look for a list of titles and ages of people in your group who were and were not part of the layoff.

4. After being notified, if an HR person is in the room, turn to her and ask, "Is WARN implicated in this layoff?" W.A.R.N. is a law regarding large scale layoffs and plant closings (as well as other things, but let's keep in mind that I'm not a lawyer). If it is applicable to your layoff the company is required to give you 60 days notification before stopping your pay. They can do this by telling you 60 days before your last day worked that your job is ending, or by paying you for not working for at least 60 days. W.A.R.N. isn't applicable to most layoffs, but ask anyway. It will totally freak the HR person out because you'll sound knowledgeable.

5. Don't freak out in the notification meeting. You suspect this is coming, so prepare your reaction. It's okay to be upset, but no excessive weeping or wailing. First, it won't do you any good. Second, it will cause your boss to notify security that you are a "risk." Third, you may want to work for these people again and you always want to leave a good impression.

6. Remember that lots of people get rehired after being laid off. After one layoff I was involved in, we ended up rehiring 40% of the people affected. So, don't burn bridges.

7. Review all your documents before signing them--and consider taking them to a lawyer. Companies will generally negotiate with you and it doesn't hurt to ask.

8. Finally, if you WANT to be laid off (and lots of people do), go ahead and pull your manager aside and say, "I've heard rumors about upcoming layoffs. I'd like to be on the list." If there are layoffs and you are not on the list, but someone in a similar job is, they'll probably happily switch you and everyone wins.

Good luck and I hope you find a new job quickly!

Evil HR Lady

Why I Don't Like Recruiters

I've done recruiting. Granted, it wasn't on a grand scale and mostly I was recruiting bank tellers. (Are you going to steal from us? No? You'll take $8.47 per hour? Excellent. When can you start?) It's a necessary role in HR, but it's not the only role. But mention you're in HR and people assume you are a recruiter. Which I'm not.

Many years ago, when I was looking for my very first job out of grad school (and, therefore, stupid) I interviewed with a nice company. Seemed like a great place to work. They did market research and I was applying for a job as a statistical analyst. (This is before I became Evil HR Lady. At that point I was just Evil Unemployed Living Off My Generous Parents Lady.)

The first round of interviews went well. The second round of interviews went (I thought) well. (That's right, I interviewed with multiple people each time.) At the end of the second interview, they handed me a data file and told me to go home, analyze it and send back my analysis.

So, I did. I worked hard on that. I wanted this job. I did some great data analysis and I e-mailed it off to them.

3 weeks later I get a standard post card in the mail. "We've received your resume and will keep it on file for 12 months. Don't call us, we'll call you." Lame.

I have no problem with doing this for resumes received. I know my current company receives over 1,000 resumes a day, so they must do that. That's fine. But when someone has come in twice AND done a data analysis for you, you should call and tell them the position has been filled, or at the very least, send a personalized e-mail.

I had forgotten about this experience until a friend interviewed with the same company. Now, I was young and stupid. This friend is anything but. (Not saying that she's old--oh dear, I may have stuck my foot in my mouth.) What I mean is that she's experienced. She's been in executive roles. She has a PhD. This is not some twit out of school.

So she had multiple interviews. They asked her to come in and do a training class for their executive team--as part of the interview. So she did. And that was that.

They got some free data analysis off me and a free executive seminar off her. And that is why I don't like recuiters. Have the decency to follow up with anybody you bring in for an interview. And don't leech off your candidates. Sure, it's reasonable to want to view how someone trains, but you have two or three people view it, not the entire team. That's just cheap and tacky. Pay for your own training. And call people back.

Clothes Make the (Wo)man

And the man, but let's face it, men's clothing is so much easier. Let's demonstrate by listing proper male attire for the following events:

Funeral: Dark suit
Wedding: Dark suit
Job Interview: Dark suit
Meeting future inlaws: Dark suit
Dinner with the President: Dark suit
Testifying before Congress: Dark suit
Opera: Dark Suit
Sports: golf shirt and jeans or shorts
All other occassions: Khaki pants and a colored or patterned button down shirt

Women, of course are not quite so easy. But clothes do make a statement about who you are. The Ask Annie column at Fortune.com addresses women's clothing (or the lack thereof). She writes:

In Glick's experiment, both male and female businesspeople were shown a series of videos of a woman discussing her background and hobbies. The scripts and the actress were the same in all the videos, but the woman's dress and job description changed. When the actress was dressed in revealing clothing and claimed to be a receptionist, her attire "had no effect" on how she was perceived. By contrast, when the scantily clad actress described herself as a manager, the people watching the tape saw her as less competent than "her typically professionally dressed counterpart (wearing flat shoes, slacks, and a turtleneck)," and even estimated that she had earned a lower GPA at a less selective college.

I learned the importance of proper attire early on. (Not that I ever dressed in a "scantily clad manner." Let's face it, I'm fine from the neck up and the knees down, but no one really wants to see anything in between.)

My senior year in college, I did an internship for the Utah State Legislature. At our first meeting where we were introduced to the Senators, Representatives and the secretaries it became obvious who everyone was without a single person opening his or her mouth. All the male elected officials wore (what else?) dark suits. The females were split into two groups. The first group was wearing flowered print dresses. The second group was wearing straight skirts with jackets--business attire.

I probably don't need to say anything else and you know who the elected women were and who their secretaries were. Now, there is nothing wrong with being a secretary (and I think after this past election who-ha you could make a strong argument that secretaries are extremely preferable to elected officials, but I promised no more politics). But, it was easy to spot: flowered dress--secretary; suit--senator or representative.

So, when you pick your outfit out of the closet this morning, think about what image you want to portray. It will guide your career path.

Friends and Clients, Not the Same Thing

A friend is getting an addition put on her house. The general contractor she hired is an acquaintence. He does fabulous work, so that's not the issue. The issue is he told her he'd start Monday and it's Wednesday and (last I spoke with her), he hasn't started yet. One of the reasons for the delay was a funeral he had to conduct. (He's also a bishop in the LDS church.)

She said to me, "I just don't want to have to care about my contractor's personal life. I don't want to have compassion for someone. I just want the job done."

Now, she is not a horrible person. She's actually a wonderful person and she understands that you can't schedule funerals in advance and she's not going to hold it against him. But, she wants the work done.

I think her statement "I just don't want to have to care about my contractor's personal life," is something those of us who want to get friends to hire us should think about. People want to be able to fire a company that isn't living up to their standards without worrying that poor Susie is going to lose her house.

Which just means, if you are trying to woo friends as customers, you really need to work twice as hard to keep them happy. They need to be really sure you aren't going to flake out on them and ruin both a business relationship and a personal one as well.

You should also be cautious about forcing your business on them. (This means you, you home party people. I don't want a candle. If I wanted Southern Living I'll move to the south, and I would rather stick pins in my eyes before I "stamp it up.")

Fortunately, before I went on this rant, I got Miss Manners' approval. Her column today addressese the friend-business relationship. (2nd letter)

Dear Miss Manners: My niece has begun a new career as a financial adviser with a well-known investment/brokerage house. She has been given extensive training and informed that she must produce a certain volume of business in a specified time.

She e-mailed a copy of her "complimentary consultation/introductory bio" letter to her personal mailing list.

Alarms went off and I replied: "Most of us who have lived past our teen years have had the uncomfortable experience that a friend in a new sales career is looking at us as a possible client rather than as a friend. Try to avoid creating that feeling in your friends (they tend to last longer as friends that way)."

Just how far over the line have I gone?

Gentle Reader: All the way across contemporary thinking, to what Miss Manners hopes will eventually be out the other side.

You, Miss Manners and civilized people believe that the best use of money is to support personal life. Others believe that the best use of personal life is to make more money.

Need I mention how much I love Miss Manners?

My Last Political Post

Remember to go vote today!

But if you are planning to vote for the wrong person, please stay home. :>)

Helicopter Parents in the Workplace?

You've all read about helicopter parents who hover over their children at school and drive their teachers nuts. Plus they make their children ill-prepared to enter the real world. That used to be problematic--but apparently mumsie and daddums have figured out the solution--they will hover over their child's workplace as well.

Here is a quote from the article:

A 22-year-old pharmaceutical employee learned that he was not getting the promotion he had been eyeing. His boss told him he needed to work on his weaknesses first. The Harvard grad had excelled at everything he had ever done, so he was crushed by the news. He told his parents about the performance review, and they were convinced there was some misunderstanding, some way they could fix it, as they'd been able to fix everything before. His mother called the human-resources department the next day. Seventeen times. She left increasingly frustrated messages: "You're purposely ignoring us"; "you fudged the evaluation"; "you have it in for my son." She demanded a mediation session with her, her son, his boss, and HR--and got it. At one point, the 22-year-old reprimanded the HR rep for being "rude to my mom."

Just reading that gave me a headache. But it also reminds me that I need to read FastCompany more often.